The sphere of feelings and the sphere of actions often fail to coincide. At times this gap may become a burden, on other occasions we have reasons to rationalise due to demands of busy schedules.
I am glad i decided in favour of visiting the orphanage to share the joys of new year this year around. A drawback of an evolved thinking pattern is the ability to rationalise against any action which calls for minimum deviation from the least effort path. We tend to generate an equally convincing (and “ideal”) streak of thoughts to justify our action and mute out the voice of idealism.
I hate suffering. I hate poverty. I want to do something for the less fortunate souls.
This one-off visit will not change anything. I will only raise their expectations, setting a base for disappointments of tomorrow. Let me wait for an occasion to bring about a “real” change in their conditions.
Period
For sixty odd children in orphanage, the visit was not a surprise. With rising number of philanthropists in city, they expect some goodies on such occasions. Even the visits have varied means-end dimension which calls for an interesting study in social behaviour. Luckily, my hyperactive mind decided to take rest, and gave space to give purpose to my visit.
We talked. Smiled .
Clicked snaps. Cheese.
Queried. Smiled. Danced. Posed.Chuckled.
Ate cake.Yummy.
Goodies for all.
I felt good. The child in me was out there, enjoying every bit of it. They had smiles. They were having such kind of fun after ages, they admitted. They asked us to visit again. We promised.
We have given them a common identity. Orphans.
A common home. The orphanage.
But is the pain felt by them same? Different lives, different stories.
Do they all miss the presence of those nurturing hands all the times?
They went to school, enjoyed companionship, cracked jokes. Each with own tastes, own priorities, own desires, own ambitions. I sensed a kind of hostel life, that many of us experience at different stage of our lives.(Do I carry a sense of guilt for not feeling the kind of sympathy that my trained mind had prepared me to feel?).(These images we carry often generate conflict of emotions,when reality confronts them.)But we have a place called home to fall back, parents for unconditional support and guidance. On another note ,the awareness of this vacuum can embolden their self-reliance and make them emotionally stronger to face the challenges of life.
Is it only the psychological security or something else that they missed in their lives?Can we feel deprived of the emotions which we have never experienced in the first place? Or does one become resigned to this loss in a manner not feel the pain? Or is the pain reduced to only moments of loneliness? Was my interaction too brief and the reflections surfacial?
(If the beaches of goa marked the beginning of last year, the visit to an old age home and an orphanage on first day of the year, was a unique experience this time around. Hope it translates into something substantial in form of actions in times to come)
